Another week, another complete lack of editing. I will freely admit I’m getting frustrated and discouraged at this point. It’s like my brain just refuses to engage in any extra thought. Once work is done it shuts down until the beginning of the next work day. And, honestly, work is a struggle too. It’s really hard to focus and motivate myself to get non-urgent tasks done. I’m slogging through and nothing is being left undone, but I’m definitely not at my best.

 I don’t know what to do at this point but just ride it out and change my expectations. I know this is a temporary thing, it’s just a taking longer than I’d expected or hoped for. I’m convinced it’s just burnout – not for writing specifically, I still think it’s caused by work and my writing is just collateral damage.

What I keep thinking of is The Sims 2, a game I used to play a lot where you build houses and run the lives of your Sims. They had a bunch of stats to tell you what they needed, like if their “Hygiene” bar was low they needed a shower, or if their “Hunger” bar was low you had to feed them. One of their stats was “Fun”, and if Fun got too low, they refused to do anything productive. They wouldn’t clean, wouldn’t study, wouldn’t make a meal until they had some recreation. I’m feeling a lot like a Sim whose “Fun” stat is way too low.

Now that’s not to say I’m not having any fun or recreation, don’t think that for a second. It’s more just that my Fun meter is getting drained faster than I can fill it. So when I sit down to do productive things, my brain just says “Nope, we’re still running on empty here” because work has drained what energy I recovered from the last bit of free-time fun. Even trying to write this, I’m all over the place. I keep checking my phone, clicking on other tabs in my browser, getting up to get a glass of water. I can’t focus long enough to write a 500-word blog when I used to write 2000 words without blinking.

I don’t want it to sound all bad. There are some small signs things might be getting better. I’ve been getting more done around the house again, tackling organization projects and tasks that I’ve been neglecting for a while. It’s still not perfect by any means, but I’m definitely getting a restless feeling that’s demanding movement. It’s all still stuff with low mental demand, but it’s better than sitting on the couch neither cleaning nor writing. The body is ready to do more again, so hopefully the mind will follow soon.

I did also get my ticket and book my hotel for Can-Con in November, which was something I’d been neglecting. So I am going, for sure. It is, however, seeming less and less likely that I’m going to have a novel ready to pitch there, which was my goal. I’m really disappointed about that, but I can’t let myself get too upset because then I’ll just slack off even worse.

I wish I had a better update; I feel like it’s been doom and gloom for a while now. At the very least, my writing is still in my head and I do still want to do it, it’s just life getting in the way at the moment. I’ll keep trying to get myself going again, and I’ve got good times planned in the near future with visits from family and fun events with friends. So hopefully my energy keeps creeping back to where I need it, the “Fun” bar filling up slowly so I can be productive again. If you’ve got tips for how you handle burnout, I’d love to hear them.