At the end of October, I told you all that I was done dithering, and committed to getting my novel in front of my selected alpha readers by the end of November. It’s now November 27, and it’s time I got moving. Oh, I’ve done most of what I need to – I’ve compiled my list of readers and confirmed if they want digital or paper copies, and I’ve downloaded the manuscript from Google Docs and formatted it. What I have not done is look into printing costs or actually sent it to anyone.

I’ve decided that tomorrow’s allotted writing time will involve me emailing the book to the people who want digital copies. I will also be calling the print shop tomorrow about the paper copies. It’s time; I have to let this thing go out into the world and start finding its place.

It’s been almost six months since I finished my editing, and I’ve been trying to mentally prepare myself for sharing it that whole time. Still, the fingers of my mind are clutching possessively at it, insisting that it’s MINE, and no one else can have it. I’m Gollum sitting alone in the dark, cradling his Precious. Not a thing I want to be.

I’m finding this very strange. I used to be possessive of all my writing, but my writing group has made me eager to share my short stories with them, even to the point where I’m disappointed if there’s too many submissions to get through in a meeting and I have to wait a week. For some reason though, I still want to hide my novel.

With all the time and energy I’ve spent on trying to get over my fear-based reactions, I can’t deny I’m getting a little frustrated with myself on this front. So thank you, Readers, for witnessing the commitment I made to get this out there by the end of the month. Who knows how long this would have taken without that? If there’s anything that gets me motivated, it’s the fear of missing deadlines and the associated guilt and shame.  They’re not the friendliest of mental states for motivators, but they do serve a purpose sometimes, and I’ll use what tools I have.

T minus three days to get this in front of people. I will do it, dammit. I’ll let go of this book and let it sink or swim, and no matter what happens I’ll move on to the next project and keep writing. To quote a song from my choir, “This is how we grow.” My novel and I both still have some growing to do.