…is definitely a thing I’m lacking. That funk I wrote about back in February is lingering longer than I expected. It’s improved in that I don’t have that “running on empty” feeling anymore. Just the same, my motivation has really been lacking. It’s not just in my writing, either. I haven’t been reaching out to friends and family as much (something I’m bad for at the best of times), nor going out as often as I usually do.

I’m trying to be patient with a lot of things. After my first quick 2-day rejection, my submissions are all now in limbo as I wait to hear back. They’re all within perfectly normal response times for the publications I submitted to, but the waiting is hard. I’ll get used to it, I’m sure, but it’s one more place in this journey that I need to have patience. Side note: yes, I did find a new place to submit that rejected story to, without making changes to it.

Editing is an ongoing thing, and it’s going slower than it should. This is mostly by virtue of me struggling with motivation and not working on it as much as I aught to. I’m currently doing mostly line edits, fixing grammar and such. While these corrections are necessary, they’re hardly exciting or motivating. My fingers are twitching to write something new, but my brain is in editing mode and not giving me fresh ideas right now. That’s for the best, really, as the editing is what I need to focus on. But editing takes time and more of that elusive patience.

I’ve got a friend who asked me to review his screenplay a couple of months ago and I still haven’t finished that. I’m kind of disgusted and disappointed with myself that I’m letting him down. I’ve got another friend I’ve been saying for months I was going to sit down with her and discuss her edits to my novel. I haven’t done that either. I’ve totally let my daily writing/editing habit fall by the wayside as I wallow in my funk.

I’m so angry with myself about these little failures. I’m not even trying to juggle, just dropping balls and staring at them on the ground, wondering why nothing is happening. I know it’s slowly getting better and that I’ll get these things done eventually, but if you know me at all, you know that the hardest thing for me to have patience with is myself. And that is, obviously, the thing I need to have the most patience with right now.

There are little things that help. Writing this blog every Sunday, and the writing sprint event that I do it during, are a bit of a touchstone for me. They ensure that I at least start every week with some writing and editing. The fact that I’ve been open about my writing and my novel also helps because it means people keep asking me about it, which means I can’t keep pushing it aside in my thoughts. Meetings with my writing groups help keep my head in the game even when I’m not taking a lot of action. So I promise it’s not all doom and gloom.

I’ve set a goal for myself to finish editing that friend’s screenplay in the next two weeks. Of the balls I’m dropping, that one feels like the most important to me because it’s holding up a friend’s progress, not my own. I’ve also told myself that when rejections do come in, I’m going to try to resubmit that story to another publication on the same day. No waiting several days like I did with the first one. Small, achievable goals. Hopefully these little steps will get me moving forward again. Now, time to pay some more attention to my novel. Wish me luck.

1 Comment

  1. Uncle Ian

    You are amazing Erin!! Everyone has these periods of low motivation and a lot of people are infairly harsh on themselves when it happens.
    Just remember that tomorrow is a new day and things can be changed.
    Take care!! Luvs ya!!

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